10 Key Components To Communication In Relationships

1. Intention for connection

The goal is to aim for a respectful and compassionate quality of connection so that everyone can be heard and understood. Trust that the connection is more important than the feeling of being right or having your say. Trying to connect means to try and stay in touch with what matters to both you and the other person in each present moment.

2. Listen more than you speak

This saying is one of the best I have recently heard: we have two ears and one mouth – a reminder of what is important. if every person spent more time listening than speaking then we would end up in a society with less noise and words and buzz, but with much more meaning, understanding, and love for each other. We need to listen closely and enter their world, instead of half listening and waiting to make our point! Also we should all remember that listening is key to any healthy relationship.

3.Understanding the other person first

When you show someone you are opening up to understand what they are saying and where they are coming from, it makes it more likely for them to be open and understanding in return. Being understanding shows great generosity, respect and love, which in the end will be returned to you.

4. Understand needs, wishes and values

Every act or word done or spoken provides an underlying need, longing or value. Listening can help identify these needs, longing or values and therefore help further develop a stable and strong relationship. Being able to identify is a great skill and will show insight into someone’s life and help you understand what to do to help them out.

5. Begin with empathy

Now this one is very important. Try to refrain from:

• Immediately telling your own story

• Asking lots of “data-type” questions

• Interrupting the other’s experience

• Giving advice

• One upping their story

• Dismissing feelings (“oh, don’t be mad”)

6.Take responsibility for your feelings

What someone else may say and do does not cause your feelings. You are in control of your own feelings, and no amount of their sadness should change how you feel. An example of associating someone with a feeling is, if someone were to drop a plan last minute and you said “Man you make me SO MAD”. Their action might have been frustrating but ultimately we are in control of our emotions and we cannot keep an association of a negative feeling with a person if we aim to have a healthy relationship.

7. Be positive, practical and detailed

Make requests that are specific, practical and positive in order to receive the best possible outcome. Communicating positively helps the mood of a person and they will be more willing to do as you ask them. Being specific means there is a good chance the situation you are in will end in the manor you wish it to, because being specific will draw the solution you want to you. Lastly being practical makes it easy to achieve for you and those around you.

8.Use accurate, neutral descriptions

When we are upset, we often jump to judgmental conclusions and interpret what has happened in a negative way. This can get us into a fight immediately because instead of simply stating, for example, “You didn’t call me”, we might accuse someone and say “you don’t care about me!” Try describing the event in a neutral way, free from judgment or blame. Also, avoid telling someone how they feel or what they are doing. Always talk about how you feel, because no one can argue how you feel!

9. Be willing to hear “No”

Even with these guidelines, our desires and requests might still elicit a “No” from the other person. Sometimes we perceive no as a threat or get angry because when we asked, we actually thought of it as a demand that had to be fulfilled by the other person. Sometime we take no as an act of defiance, but maybe it is just that the opposing person feels a need or value alive in them at that moment. It is important to understand and try to give and bend positively, if it comes to it,to make both parties happy.

10. Communicate using MORE than words

Everything in our heart and mind is expressed through our body, our facial expressions, our tone of voice, our posture and attitude, along with the vibrations we emit. All of these are intuitively picked up by others. We are manifesting our consciousness at every moment. To have connection, understanding and harmony with one another in our relationships, we need to nourish those aspects deeply within ourselves.